just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
