I'm sorry my penis didn't work
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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