So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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