I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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