I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Randomize
