Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
