dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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