I molested 6 butterflies tonight
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
