dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
