she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I have fence marks all over my body
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
