margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
two words...techno handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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