Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
