I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i jhust puked up my retainher.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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