Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
