i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
