what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
