I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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