So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
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He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
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I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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