Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
