Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
how drunk are you?
Several
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
