I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Randomize
