So drunk, too bad you don't want this
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
