You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
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We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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