She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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