Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
