grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
