dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
