Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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