Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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