My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
