Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
