Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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