Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
