This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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