There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
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Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
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Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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