hotel room ftw
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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