You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
