My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
