I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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