Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
