After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
