I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Randomize
