i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
