Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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