Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
