You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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