He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
