She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
