I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Randomize
