he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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