Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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