In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
