guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It's not a walk of shame if you run
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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