youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
