one word: firstdatebathroomanal
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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