Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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