I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
