Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
