I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
