I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
How external is "for external use only"?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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