Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
