the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
