new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
