Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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