i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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