well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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